Fortitude

Tamara Drake

That feeling in my stomach

That solid hollow feeling

I feel you in there, my deserted gift

Your form pressed against mine

Still bound to my bloodline

Your legs no longer kick

Your hand no longer pushes

The beeps of life have abandoned my ear

The smell of sterile sheets

In a sterile room with latex fingers

Mix in the worst way with stray mute tears

My nails clink against the metal bed rods

My fingers curling the coolness

Like your hand would have gripped my finger

I let go

It’s time to start

My only cue to release your weight from me

But I don’t want to let go

Maybe if you stay in

We can start over

Bring you back

The pressure on my body

Butchers my limbs and center

Collapsing and stretching all at once

I feel you peek out with blind eyes

For a brief moment, before I remember

I feel my lips smile

They wrap you in a blanket

Soft, protected, still

And place you in my arms

For our limited affection

My tear kisses your cheek

Your lips have purpled

Your hair curls over

Your eyes stay a secret

I really wish you could smile