To Have and to Hold

by Mackenzie Gregory

“Ugh, he’s such an asshole!”

Ophelia Collins loved to shit talk her best friend’s husband. She was not surprised at all that when Ember invited her out to the county fair, it ended with her ranting about him. Ember liked to air out her problems with him in public, away from her house, from Roy, and the nosy neighbors. Ophelia, of course, would never miss out on this kind of opportunity. It gave her some actual quality time with her friend away from everyone else and an added bonus of bashing Roy. From the very moment she met the guy back in high school, she knew he was going to cause trouble in their lives. And trouble, he sure did cause.

“He just had a bad day at work, O, it’s not his fault.”

Ember was always like this—constantly defending Roy for his shitty behavior towards her. Ophelia wasn’t entirely sure if her friend did this on purpose, or if she was just terrified of the thought of the life she had always lived changing right before her eyes. Ophelia knew since they began dating that Roy would not be a good fit for Ember. He was obnoxious and outspoken, while Ember preferred to just lay low in the shadows.

The women wove in and out of the crowds of people, guided by the bright LED lights that were set up due to the pitch-black night sky, falling into a comfortable motion.

“Just because he had a shitty day doesn’t mean it gives him the right to act so rude to you. He’s lucky you even stay up every day past midnight to greet him. What kind of husband does that? You have to work too; you shouldn’t have to sacrifice your nights for him.” She paused as she took a bite of her pretzel, her words muffled by the food. “He’s even blowing you off on the weekend now!”

Ember sighed. “It’s honestly better that he’s still gone now. I’m too anxious to be around him. I don’t know what he wants to tell me.”

“See? He’s always making you feel like this. It’s bad for you. You need to open your eyes, Em. This has been going on for too long,” Ophelia chastised her friend as they weaved through the crowds of people.

“It’s not really his fault this time. I’m just getting all worked up over whatever it is he has to say. I think he’s planning on telling me tomorrow.”

“Well, maybe this is it. Maybe he wants a divorce? It’d be about damn time.”

“We’ll see tomorrow. I’m trying not to think about it too much.”

“You’re going to have to bring it up if he doesn’t, you know that?”

Ember paused, clearly considering her options. “Yeah, yeah.”

“Hey, look at the bright side. Once you divorce him, you could marry me,” Ophelia teased.

“Oh, hush!” Ember giggled quietly. Ophelia assumed that she didn’t want anyone to overhear the personal details of their conversation.

“Love you, babe. And Ember, if you ever get scared that he’s going to—”

“O!” She gasped. “He wouldn’t do that.”

“You never know,” Ophelia answered wistfully, “plus he’s been acting strange lately, hasn’t he?”

“I mean, I guess you’re—”

“Ember! It’s so nice to see you here.”

The two women turn around to see who had interrupted them. It was Maria Johnson, one of Ember’s co-teachers, known for her endless gossiping. Each of her hands were holding onto a kid, both of whom looked like they were a second away from running off.

“Maria, hi. Good to see you.” Ember’s voice was polite and rushed, clearly not wanting to be bothered by her. Ember never really told Ophelia much about her work life, and by the way that Maria looked as though she had just stumbled upon the juiciest story, she knew why.

“Where’s Roy? I would’ve figured he would be here with you instead of—” her gaze flicked to the hand that was holding onto Ember’s arm. “—Ophelia.”

Ophelia rolled her eyes. No one in this town liked how she went against the grain, against the standards that were expected of them all. The only thing that was keeping her here and not sending her to go off to a big city was Ember, who, with Roy’s persistence, made the two of them settle down in the same town they grew up in.

“Unless you’re having some issues with him? I noticed that you haven’t been wearing your rings to work.” She glanced down to Ember’s hand if she was indeed wearing her rings now. Ophelia knew she wasn’t—Ember hardly ever wore them when Roy wasn’t around. She turned Ember’s hand away from Maria’s gaze.

Her friend’s face was flushed and it looked like tears of embarrassment were forming in her eyes. “Come on, Ember. Don’t listen to her.” Ophelia guided her friend away from the needless drama that came with this godforsaken small town.

—-

Ophelia hadn’t received many updates from Ember in the weeks following their conversation at the festival. The woman was nervous that all the comments made about her relationship upset her, but she didn’t regret what she said. Roy wasn’t a good man, and Ember needed to get out of that relationship sooner than later.

Ophelia sighed, checking her phone in anticipation for her lunch break. This wasn’t unusual for her at her job, but this time she actually had something to look forward to. She had just a couple minutes to go, and she knew that by this time Ember was probably home already, so she wished to call her friend and catch up.

When her break rolled around, Ophelia hurried into the company’s break room to call Ember but was interrupted by a call from the last person she would have ever expected to talk to her—Roy.

She was curious now; she had to answer. Why the hell would he want to speak with her? Voluntarily? Unless this was yet another one of Ember’s ways to try and get them to reconcile. Ophelia let some air leave her nose. Like that’ll ever happen.

“What do you want?” Ophelia wanted this conversation to be over as quickly as it started.

“Oh? Did Ember not tell you? I figured you’d be screaming my ear off by now,” Roy’s tone was as snarky and condescending as it always was when talking to Ophelia. Or any woman, for that matter.

Ophelia furrowed her eyebrows. Ember didn’t tell her something? The two of them always shared everything about their lives. They had no secrets between them. Well, almost no secrets, Ophelia had to remind herself. She was scared now. Was this Ember’s first sign of choosing Roy over her? She couldn’t let that happen, no matter what.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Ophelia demanded.

Roy let out a laugh. “So she didn’t! Oh, this is great. Finally starting to see you for the crazy bitch you are, huh?”

“I’m not the crazy one here,” Ophelia shot back. “Your ass takes the cake.”

“You better watch your mouth when you’re speaking to me or I’ll let her know all about your—”

“Fine! Just, leave me alone,” Ophelia interrupted him. She didn’t need to hear from him what he had been holding over her head for years since he and Ember got together. She didn’t want to be reminded of how much of a coward she was.

“You still haven’t heard what I was going to tell you.” It was noisy in the background of Roy’s call, most likely from the garage he worked at. Of course he was there, Ophelia thought. Roy spent more time at the shop than he did with Ember.

“Okay? Get on with it then.” This conversation was exhausting Ophelia already, and it hadn’t even lasted two full minutes yet. Roy had always been a difficult person to get along with, and it got exponentially worse once he took Ember from her.

“Ember ever so graciously accepted my request for us to get our vows renewed. I was going to tell you not to come, but since she didn’t seem to bother telling you about it, I’m assuming she doesn’t want you there anyway,” Roy said.

“What—when did this happen?” Ophelia sputtered out. The last time she spoke to Ember she was contemplating divorce with Roy, and now she’s agreeing to renew their vows? Ophelia really needed to talk with her friend now.

“I ain’t telling you shit.”

Ophelia rolled her eyes. Great, just great. “What did you do to make her say yes to that? I know she wouldn’t say yes without you forcing her somehow.”

Roy laughed again. God, she thought his voice was so annoying. “I didn’t do anything. You just don’t want to admit that Ember loves me and not—”

“Fuck off.” Ophelia hung up the phone before Roy could finish his sentence.

She needed to see Ember before she could go through with this. Ophelia only wished she had the courage to reveal what she knew she had to in order to help Ember see Roy for who he truly is.

—-

When it was time for Ophelia to clock out, she hurriedly gathered her things and drove straight to Ember’s house. She knew Roy was most likely still at work, judging by Ember’s frustration of how he had been coming home later each day. She highly doubted that he would’ve changed that by now. Or ever, for that matter.

The faint sound of, “Roy?” that followed Ophelia’s loud knocks confirmed her beliefs that Roy was still away. That made this a lot better for her, then.

“Did you forget something?” Ember paused once she opened the door and realized that it wasn’t her husband standing there, but her friend, who looked really ticked off.

“I just heard some very interesting news today, Em,” Ophelia said pointedly as she maneuvered around her friend and into her house. “Guess who I just got a call from?”

Ember looked puzzled. “I’m not sure; was it your boss?” She asked.

“No,” Ophelia said, drawing out the word. She pulled her phone out of her pocket and handed it to Ember, having pulled up her recent call log to show her friend she wasn’t lying, “Roy.”

“Roy?” Ember squinted down at the phone, the recent call from Roy on display for her to see. “Why would he talk to you? He can’t stand you.”

“I was thinking the exact same thing. So my curiosity got the better of me and lo and behold, I have to find out from my friend’s douchebag husband that they are getting their vows renewed and I was specifically told not to attend by him.”

Ember’s eyes widened in realization and what appears to be guilt. Ophelia didn’t want her friend to think she was mad at her, but she was indeed frustrated that she hadn’t listened to her before about Roy.

“O, you know how Roy gets when he’s pissed off. I didn’t want to deal with that. It’s just easier to go along with him,” Ember replied.

“Easier? This is your life we’re talking about. You need to do what you want, you can’t just sit back and let him walk all over you.” Ophelia was slowly losing the control she had over her anger. It was getting more difficult to not let Ember know her true feelings.

“Just because the two of you don’t get along doesn’t mean you can just slander him, okay? Roy may not be the best husband, but at least he’s trying. I can’t fault him for that.”

“It’s been two years. You give him way too much slack. Face it, Em, if he hasn’t changed his ways by now, he’s never going to change,” Ophelia argued.

“But I can tell he’s trying now,” Ember attempted to rebut, “aren’t the vow renewals his way of putting in effort? He’s there for me when I need him to be. Most of the time, anyway.”

“There for you?” Ophelia shrieked. “Who was there for you all of those times when you were stressed out in high school, when you were nervous for your jobs, and had problems with your relationship? Me, not him. I’ve been with you since day one and you’re still choosing him? He’s a complete asshole to you!”

“Oh my god, why do you also get so worked up about him? You’ve been like this since the second we got together. It’s been two years since our marriage; you need to give him a chance.”

“You haven’t seen what he’s really like, Ember.”

“What is it that you’re not telling me?”

Ophelia knew she couldn’t risk everything they had by telling Ember just exactly why Roy was not the man she thought he was, especially during a tense moment like this. She tried to change the subject instead.

“Men like Roy see your compliance and take advantage of it. You need to start standing up for yourself!”

“He’s not like that!” Ember counters. “Roy wouldn’t do something like that.”

“Maybe he hasn’t yet, but he sure as hell will soon enough. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.” And with that, Ophelia turned her back on her friend and walked away.

—-

Ophelia was officially going to go insane.

Ember was refusing to tell her the details of their vow renewal. Ophelia didn’t have a clue where it was being held, what day it was going to be, or even the month it was taking place.

If hounding her friend both over the phone and in person wasn’t going to work, she had to take matters into her own hands. Ember’s summer vacation was fast arriving, and Ophelia had a gut feeling that the renewals were going to happen within the next month or so. She had to act quick in order to stop her friend from staying with Roy.

Ophelia knew her friend's daily schedule to a T. On weekdays, she woke up at 6:30am, left for work at 7:00am, and didn’t come back home until 5:00pm. With her gone for most of the day and Roy practically living at his body shop these days, that gave Ophelia plenty of time to pay a visit to her friend’s home without anyone noticing.

Ember loved planning for everything—Ophelia was confident that she had the details of the vow renewal written down somewhere in that house. All she needed to do was drop by, have a look around, and leave without attracting any suspicion.

Ophelia was just hoping that Ember hadn’t moved the spare key she kept underneath the potted plant on the patio.

When Ophelia arrived, she made a beeline to the front door, praying that she didn’t look too suspicious. Unfortunately, one of Ember’s neighbors had to be out watering her plants right now.

“Ophelia, is that you? What a surprise. Roy and Ember aren’t home now, what business do you have to be here?” Mrs. Franklin was a frail woman, but her passive aggressive comments could make a grown man quiver at her feet. “You’ve been spending way too much time here, you should give them some more quality time. The past few weeks have been a blessing, you know.”

“Yeah, I know,” Ophelia had to fight the urge to roll her eyes. She quickly thought of a plausible lie on the spot to explain her reasoning for being there. “Ember forgot her lunch and I was in the area, so she asked me to bring it to her.”

“And her husband couldn’t do it? That boy,” Mrs. Franklin shook her head and tutted, “He needs to fix that attitude of his.”

“Tell me about it,” she muttered under her breath. “Um, anyway, I don’t want to miss Ember’s break, so I really have to…” she trailed off, hoping the elderly woman would get her message.

“Oh, yes, don’t mind me! Chop chop, dear.”

She waved and stepped up to the patio, lifted the potted plant. She let out a sigh of relief once she saw the key in its usual spot.

Ember’s house was a quaint space, but one that didn’t seem to be occupied by a couple. There were separate rooms for both Roy and Ember, who only shared the house’s single bathroom and bedroom. If Ophelia didn’t know any better, she would assume that the two of them were just roommates.

Once inside, Ophelia had a few places she knew Ember kept her important notes. After her search of the kitchen and Ember’s personal office were unsuccessful, the last place she checked was her bedroom.

When she opened the door, she was hit with the scent of Ember’s favorite perfume, Iridescent Kiss. The smell of jasmine, rose, and citrus permeated around her, distracting her for just a second.

It was clear which side of the room belonged to Ember. One side was tidy and organized, and the other had clothes thrown everywhere, and the distinct smell of oil and musk seeping from the covers. Figures that Roy wouldn’t clean up after himself.

When they were kids, Ember would always keep her most important notes in a small notepad that she hid under in her top drawer under her socks. When Ophelia checked the drawer, she was glad to see that Ember’s habits hadn’t been entirely changed by Roy yet.

She only felt a slight hint of guilt flipping through. The two women usually told each other everything, so none of what was in there should have been a surprise to her. Skipping to the end, she found just what she was looking for. In Ember’s elegant cursive writing was the date—July 18th, 10:00am, at the fancy cathedral two towns over which also happened to be where they got married. Ophelia quickly snapped a picture of the information and placed Ember’s journal back in its original spot.

As she hurried out of the house, Ophelia could feel the heat of a stare boring into her back, unsettling her even more than before.

—-

When July 18th rolled around, Ophelia made sure to put on her fanciest dress and jewelry. If she was going to ruin her relationship with Ember because of this, she at least wanted to do it in style.

She arrived at the venue just in time. The cathedral was stuffy and impersonal, filled with all sorts of Christian iconography. She remembered being dragged here by her parents when she was a kid, never stepping a foot inside the minute she moved out of their house. She hesitated before entering the ceremony space, her mind seeming to move faster than her body. She knew she had to prepare for the consequences of what she was about to do, but she couldn't bear thinking about it. She just had to act.

Striding into the hall, she heard the voice of the pastor project through the closed doors. She took a deep breath, and then she opened them with as much confidence she could muster.

Ophelia was not expecting there to be any guests. Roughly 30 heads turned in her direction, as did Ember’s, Roy’s, and the pastor.

“You gotta be fucking kidding me,” Roy muttered. He was dressed in a traditional black tuxedo, although Ophelia thought that he looked out of place standing there in formalwear. Roy was nowhere near being a holy man, and he stood out like a sore thumb among all of the holy symbols that encompassed the area.

Ember, on the other hand, looked ethereal in Ophelia’s view. She wasn’t wearing her wedding dress, but she was still wearing white, most likely enforced by Roy. Ember always hated the color white, and almost didn’t even pick a white wedding dress until her mother threatened not to help her pay for the wedding. Ophelia thought that her friend looked gorgeous in white, but she would never tell her in case Ember thought that she was also trying to get her to wear it when she didn’t want to.

“Ophelia—!” Ember started.

“I-I can’t let you do this!” Ophelia stammered. Murmurs erupted amongst the guests, most likely wondering why someone had busted into the hall and protested the renewal. Ophelia tried her best to ignore their judgment, but she could feel the heat rising to her cheeks.

“You stay out of this!” Roy shouted, and gasps spread through the crowd. Flushed with embarrassment, Ember tugged her hands away from Roy and turned towards her friend who was making her way down the aisle.

“What’s going on?” Ember asked her friend, making her way to step down from the altar before Roy grabbed her and tugged her back. “Let go of me!” She said to him, freeing herself from the grip he had on her.

Ophelia sped up to meet her friend in the middle. “Come on. We need to talk outside.” She needed to get away from the prying eyes of the guests and the suffocating atmosphere of the church. As she was dragging Ember down the aisle, she heard the voice of Mrs. Franklin, who was talking to some others she didn’t recognize sitting around her.

“I knew she was trying to break them apart,” the old woman said in a hushed voice, “I’ve always known there was something wrong with that girl. She could never stay out of trouble.” Ophelia chose to ignore her as she left the hall.

“Ember! Don’t leave me here, Ember!” Roy’s voice bellowed throughout the halls as he hurried on after them outside of the building.

She turned to Ember, still maintaining her hurried pace. “You can’t stay with him,” she said to the woman. “I’ve been trying to build up the courage to tell you for a while. He’s not a good guy. Not the type of man you think he is.” Ember’s eyes widened at that, detecting the seriousness of Ophelia’s tone.

“You come and interrupt our ceremony and then start spewing lies to my wife like this?” Roy bellowed after them, his face red with anger as he finally caught up to the two women. He grasped Ember’s arm and tugged her away from Ophelia. “How’d you even find us here, huh? Been creeping around like usual?”

Ophelia’s jaw clenched at Roy’s taunting words, knowing that he had her trapped with her poor decisions from before. “That doesn’t really matter right now, okay?” Her tone was hurried, not wanting to admit what she did.

Ember didn’t seem to catch her implication, though. “Wait, how did you find out, O?”

Before she could defend herself, Roy interrupted. “You know, I heard from our dear friend Mrs. Franklin that she caught someone going into our home a few weeks ago.”

Ophelia cursed under her breath. Of course Roy would wait until the worst possible time to and her heart raced in her chest as she caught the look of betrayal on Ember's face.

“Why would you do that?” Ember’s voice was gentle, the hurt clear in her words.

“Yeah, why?” Roy parroted her words, the mocking hint of his tone causing Ophelia to clench her fists. She didn’t answer Ember. She didn’t know how to answer, without giving away the secret that she had a feeling would destroy their friendship.

“Em, she’s been manipulating you your whole life. Been keeping secrets. Isn’t that right, Ophelia?” he spat out her name.

Ember turned to her friend. “What does he mean by that, O?”

“I—” She didn’t know how to respond. Was revealing her secret worth it if it meant potentially losing her friendship with Ember?

Roy smirked. “Ophelia here has—”

“I’m in love with you!”

The silence in the air between the three of them was thick and heavy.

“What?” Ember’s astonishment was what broke it.

Ophelia knew that she had to get everything out now, her heart beating a mile a minute with the knowledge of the risk she was taking to her relationship with her friend.

“I don’t even remember when it started. But all this time I’ve been in love with you. I know you probably will never feel the same about and that’s totally okay. I only kept this from you because I would rather live the rest of my life as your friend than live it without you in it.” And then she added, “Roy threatened to tell you about my feelings if I stayed as close to you as I was then.” Ember gasped, pulling away from him.

“I-I-” Ember sputtered, clearly at a loss for words. Her eyes were wide with confusion and shock.

“Say something,” Ophelia pleaded with her friend. She was only met with silence, and a smirk slowly grew on Roy’s face.

Her eyes watered and she quickly turned away from the two, not wanting to cry in front of them. Her cheeks were flushed with embarrassment as she tried to get as far away from them as possible.

“See, baby,” she could hear Roy tell Ember, “this is why I’ve been trying to get you to stay away from her. She’s been hiding the fact that she’s a dyke from you.”

Ophelia only saw red when she turned back around on her heel and stomped all the way back up to the two, reeling her fist as far as it could go to make contact with the middle of his face.

Ember gasped as he cried out, “Ow! You fucking bitch! That’s my fucking nose!” Ophelia could see the drops of blood escaping the palm that nestled his nose, staining his white shirt underneath his tuxedo jacket.

“Fuck you too!” Ophelia ran out of there as fast as she could to avoid any more trouble, finding her car and stepping on the gas to hightail it out of there. The sudden burst of adrenaline began to wear off as she sped down the road but all she could do was laugh. The secret of her sexuality was out, and the result of it was just as she expected.

Her knuckles throbbed as she tightly gripped her steering wheel, but as the cathedral began to look like a tiny speck in the distance Ophelia came to the realization that this was the best she’s felt in years.

Mackenzie Gregory is an English major from Levittown, New York. She also serves as an editor of Pitch. When she’s not reading or writing, she’s probably getting spooked at horror movies or cuddling with her dog.