The Two Way Mirror

by Nephtalie Charles

Sometimes, I think about you.

It’s not frequent, but when I do, a storm of emotions and memories come to mind. And when that storm comes, I can only stand there and witness its power. Sometimes, I see you in that storm. Even though your height made you seem older, the tumbleweed of coils on your head and chubby cheeks always revealed your true age. Honestly, I truly admire you. You had many questions, dreams, and opinions on everything around you. Your curiosity always ignited a thrill in my bloodstream, and I miss it. I miss who I was when you were around. However, as I grow and learn how I fit in this world, I understand that curiosity is one of the prices we must pay.

I found the old cheetah journal that you bought from Family Dollar. As I flipped through the pages, I realized your curiosity heavily depended on television shows, YouTube, and non-fiction books. These items were the sun and water for the seeds in your mind. Remember when Disney released the movie, An American Girl: Isabelle Dances Into the Spotlight, and you automatically wanted to become a ballet dancer? Every day you swaddled your feet with plastic wrap and tumbled around your shabby living room, imagining that you were performing the Nutcracker. Or remember the popular television show, H2O: Just Add Water, from Nickelodeon that included those three girls who turn into mermaids? You were so awed by them that you researched the possibility of the mermaids’ existence. You even searched up potions on how to become one, and when you realized you didn’t grow a tail overnight, you bawled your eyes out. And your biggest obsession was the YouTube channel, Living Big In A Tiny House, which interviews people living in 100 to 500 square feet houses. You wanted to be them so bad that you had a Pinterest board of different types of tiny houses you wanted to live in. Everything you were curious about you know you’ll never be or have. You sat near your window and dreamed of how life would be when you could finally gain the courage to satisfy your curiosity. To cope, you imagined a future where you gained the courage to do whatever you found interesting. And for that reason, our relationship will always be half-sided. A relationship where I know you, but you don’t know me. Because if you found out we’re still sitting near the window and imagining a fantasy life, you would cry.

I have to say, it's not that bad anymore. I don’t know if it's because I adapted or conformed to our reality, but it is tolerable now. While you’re Elsa during her coronation, I’m Elsa returning home. I find a balance in our life where I let our curiosity loose enough to learn things and evolve, but on a leash, so it coincides with reality. For example, when we have to listen to our pastor ramble on about what a perfect Christian is, I remember that after his lecture, we could sketch tiny houses using our friend’s architectural paper. Or, when we have to read the long-assigned readings about people that only our ancestors can meet, I remember that our favorite fanfic author might reveal the baby father of the maid. And when we were forced to clean the entire house, I remember that we could play Empressive’s new video on the most recent drama in Hollywood. If you were able to read this, I know you wouldn’t find this life ideal at all. In fact, I don’t think explaining our situation would help either. Our curiosity always left whenever an explanation came around. And that is why, I want you to know that our life is amazing right now. I don't know if it's because I experience more of reality than you, but our life is in a place where I’m satisfied with what I know of us and our world.

I want you to know that I will always value our curiosity. Our curiosity not only made us learn so many things about the world but created a vision of what we want for ourselves and the people around us.

So, to you, my younger self, I want you to know our curiosity has and will always be our drive to succeed and want to become better. And just because I put it on a leash doesn’t mean I don’t do my best to keep it alive and strong. I will always feed it snippets of different interests that we wonder about at night.

Nephtalie Christie Charles ‘26 is a nursing major pursuing a business healthcare management certificate. She enjoys listening to music, watching movies, and decorating. One of her life goals is to travel to other states and countries because she enjoys exploring places.